She reaches for the phone only to stare at the screen
They said to call whenever she needed someone to talk to
But something stops her from sending that message, making that call
As the tears she’s been holding in seep from her eyes
Is it okay to cry?
Alone again, the dead of night
Her body is worn to the core yet her mind is painfully alive
Most people would say that relapse or suicide would end the struggle
Already tired of fighting yet knows that she needs to be strong
No…Don’t cry. It’s not okay. You must not let yourself be weak like the rest.
Work is hard to find but does whatever she can to support herself
A burden and pest is what her family makes her out to be
Barely managed to claw her way out of an abusive home
The few people she opened her fragile heart to shunned her painfully
Why can’t they just love me?
She also goes to school to get a better education
No one in her family has gone to college and she wants to change that
Better schooling means a better job and a better job means money for a safe place to live
She is tired of living in fear for her and her family’s lives
I must make a difference…even if they don’t want to support me I must go on.
Taking care of her siblings all of her life
Being the mom she never had while searching for something to fill the hole left in her from her father
Struggling to maintain a forgiving attitude for the many wrongs that have been done
She knows she must break this abusive, unloving, and unholy chain
Please…please help me…I can’t do this on my own…
And then goes on the vicious cycle of pain that she knows well
The whole moment of breaking down and finding an isolate place to ponder the pain
Wanting to take that drink, cut her wrist, anything to make it go away even for a moment
But this would only destroy everything she has stood so strongly against
No, I will not let this stop me from my destiny.
So she stands up and returns to her busy lifestyle
She knows that it is the most damaged, sad, and destroyed people
That carries the most wisdom, kindness, knowledge, and understanding
And if living in this pain is what it takes to save others, well…
This is alright with me, then.