Filled with angst she stares out the window across from her bed

The drugs they keep pumping into her veins making it hard for her to stay focused

 

A train is coming to bring her home, friends and family awaiting, along with the man she will wed 

She had been sitting alone for so long, so much left unspoken

 

For what felt like an eternity she waited in the cold grey room with only strange people in nurses clothing for company

Until one day she heard the sound of the train and she knew they were finally coming to take her home

 

Three days passed by; packing her suitcase again and again only to wake up and see it unpacked clumsily

And on this fourth day, where she feared the train was not coming, as she stared out of that window alone

 

A loud whistle rang; her heart jumped; a toothless smile spread across her face

In came her family and friends; holding their suitcases, and in the back…the man she loved

 

Before she could attempt to grab her case, in came a strange woman in nurses clothing; she knew the woman couldn’t relate

She began to introduce them all one by one ever so proudly; the strange woman only looked above

 

In a strange trance the woman left; she now was free to take the train home

And with her suitcase she boarded the train with a ticket to the unknown

 

 

 

There had been a time when no sadness could touch my soul

I had been whole

Through many places and times I would flow

But those feelings had been lost in the early glow

For first melted off the hope of youth

Then experience had told me of truth

Then came the deflowering in the most gruesome way

And there was nothing more to say

Drowning in a river of lost hopes and broken dreams

The pain within was busting at the seams

All kept hidden, of course, a society where such emotions were withdrew

And mortal blossoms never grew

It was thought that despite the environment lived in, one’s soul could remain untouched

I too had believed I hadn’t been brushed

Was crime enough that mankind was so hallow, servile, insincere 

But worse to look in your own soul and find the same corruption there

 

Just Hold On

Posted: November 8, 2013 in Love, Poetry
Tags: , , , , , ,

When you find yourself all alone

When everyone else has treated you poorly

Left your body bruised and your heart aching

When life has slammed you to the ground

Just hold on

For though I may seem thousands of miles away

I’m the beat in your heart

The moonlight shining down

The whisper in the wind

And I’ll be there till the end

I’d do anything to see you smile

You’re more than a lover

There could never be another that makes me feel the way you do

And I’d stand beside you in the worst of storms

If I had to choose my best day ever, my finest hour, my wildest dream come true

I would say you were

We’ll be laughing till it hurts

Staying up all night talking, and you’ll see me looking up at you with a little mischievous smile

Cherishing the look in each others eyes when we make love

Keep this all in mind, love

And just hold on

Death, Abuse, Rape, Violence, Racism, Disease, Poverty, Loneliness

These are the things that have brought us together

Damaged by the worlds illness

We embark on a new endeavor  

 

To progress ourselves into bright, pure, superlative souls

To learn to love one another unconditionally without the restraints of anger, fear, and bitterness

Adventuring outside of what is comfortable and known, opening enlightening scrolls

To flourish into delightful beings that glow with liveliness  

 

Born from darkness to be cleansed in the light

Guardians that strive to be the epitome of all that is divine

Always kinetic in our actions to uphold what is right

And because of these continuous efforts we will shine

 

 

 

She reaches for the phone only to stare at the screen

 

They said to call whenever she needed someone to talk to

 

But something stops her from sending that message, making that call

 

As the tears she’s been holding in seep from her eyes

 

Is it okay to cry?

 

 

Alone again, the dead of night

 

Her body is worn to the core yet her mind is painfully alive

 

Most people would say that relapse or suicide would end the struggle

 

Already tired of fighting yet knows that she needs to be strong

 

No…Don’t cry. It’s not okay. You must not let yourself be weak like the rest.

 

 

 Work is hard to find but does whatever she can to support herself

 

 A burden and pest is what her family makes her out to be

 

 Barely managed to claw her way out of an abusive home

 

 The few people she opened her fragile heart to shunned her painfully

 

 Why can’t they just love me?

 

 

She also goes to school to get a better education

 

No one in her family has gone to college and she wants to change that

 

Better schooling means a better job and a better job means money for a safe place to live

 

She is tired of living in fear for her and her family’s lives

 

 I must make a difference…even if they don’t want to support me I must go on.

 

 

Taking care of her siblings all of her life

 

Being the mom she never had while searching for something to fill the hole left in her from her father

 

Struggling to maintain a forgiving attitude for the many wrongs that have been done

 

She knows she must break this abusive, unloving, and unholy chain

 

Please…please help me…I can’t do this on my own…

 

 

And then goes on the vicious cycle of pain that she knows well

 

The whole moment of breaking down and finding an isolate place to ponder the pain

 

Wanting to take that drink, cut her wrist, anything to make it go away even for a moment

 

But this would only destroy everything she has stood so strongly against

 

No, I will not let this stop me from my destiny.

 

 

So she stands up and returns to her busy lifestyle

 

She knows that it is the most damaged, sad, and destroyed people

 

 That carries the most wisdom, kindness, knowledge, and understanding

 

And if living in this pain is what it takes to save others, well…

 

 This is alright with me, then. 

Image

 

A whirlwind of fantasies where only one is true 

I wait so patiently to marry you

Ignorance is bliss when you don’t have a clue

The reason your in love with me and I’m in love with you

 

Your love is seeping into this merry go round soul of mine

And I’m thinking that its about time

Perhaps this torture is out of line

But if only you knew that you were already mine

 

You can see the truth deep in my weary soul

But can you see through the fog of your heart which is not whole?

I’m winning this game with my arms tied behind my back

And when its over there will be nothing that I will lack

 

 

 

Trapped

Posted: June 21, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

disgust..shame..despair 

They wash over my body like the water I’m bathing in

 Trying to wash away the touch

A bad habit to feed

Months later the use went up

Medicine to alleviate the sickness 

Anything to get that fix

Strange men, long nights, one mission 

Climbing the walls

Can’t climb out of the grave that has been dug

Finally collapsing

The taste of blood in my mouth now

The emotions finally finished washing me

Being done with trying to rationalize 

The final rush…it flows over the body

The eyes close..

And finally…freedom